Group Field Work~ Reflections

For our group project-'monument analysis', we decided that we would look at Ross Bay Cemetery located by Dallas Road in Fairfrield. I met the rest of the group there and had to walk through most of the cemetery by myself. I really dont like cemeteries, or death or thinking about death in general. I havent been in one for quite a number of years and the second I entered it gave me a really weird feeling, i uspoose just since I never really give death or dying too much throught then being in a cemetery is quite overwhelming, being faced with so much death forces you to think about your won mortaltity (ie this will be me one day) 

I have always known I have quite an unhealthy fear of death, Im not sure where this comes from? Maybe as a result of being a stauch athiest? Ive always imagined part of the reasons humans need to believe in an afterlife is to distract us from the harsh physical realities of death. I do not believe in an afterlife as such, so perhaps it is the fear of the unknown and the ceasing to exisit in any way that so terrifies me?

If I think about my own death in any great detail it starts to really freak, to an unhealthy extent; sometimes in my half asleep state at night I think about dying in the sense of just ceasing to exist. It gives me the weirdest feeling; like having a panic attack and I have to get up and turn lights on and distract myself from it. My boyfriend thinks this is really weird and I was convinced its a little crazy ha!! Last time I was home it came up in conversation with my mum, now my mum is pretty logical and rational and as far as I know has some belief in an afterlife/God (we were raised very lax Anglican which is common in England where the church is mostly cultural) she told me she used to wake up crying about it in her teen year, I haven't gone that far yet thankfully!! But I'm not alone which made me feel better for a while till I mentioned it to my Nana later that day whose response to the topic of death "don't be daft, we all die, we don't go anywhere, just rot back into the earth, just you wont know anyway will ye, you'll be dead...I'm getting rid of the dog first thing when Grandad dies"...Thanks Gran...

After I got over my initial 'issue', the cemetery was actually quite eerily beautiful and peaceful. It was really interesting to look at all the headstones and see the old names; Ethel, Eliza, Agnes and also many of the headstones had inscriptions about where peoples were originally from; there weer obviously a lot of English immigrants, but I found it interesting to see a handful of really early Australian and Italian settlers. I think that now I might like to go back more often and walk through Ross Bay and enjoy it for what it is a beautiful landmark to our eventual fate.